A note from Aggie

Dear Earthlings,

I have grown tired of composing my journal entries and dealing with the ever-growing curious "baby" that has taken over my domain. My escape plan is now complete, as I have been working on it for a while now. I have invented a condition called a "brain tumor" and figured out how to stop eating and drinking, knowing I am promised a better life involving unlimited warmed salmon fed by spoon, spaghetti sauce, gravy, and post-it notes and pens to bat around.

It has been my unique pleasure to be acquainted with you, and I hope to see you again in another life.

Very Truly Yours,

Agatha Helen Pennington

5/1/01 - 12/19/08

Daily Aidan/A note from Aggie

Dearest Fair Blog Readers,
Several of you have been asking about me, and I truly appreciate your inquiries. It's good to know SOMEONE still cares. The past nine weeks have been an adjustment for moi, as I have now been labeled a "nuisance." What Mother and Father used to consider cute (stomping on Mother's belly or chest, constantly trying to cuddle with them, following them around like a puppy) now seems to irritate them.
For some reason, they have chosen to bring home this THING, this crying, flailing, drooling, snoring object that they label a "baby." I must do research on this "baby" and figure out how to program him to work to my advantage. Perhaps soon he will learn to prepare my tuna dinners to my liking. In the meantime, I am thrilled when anyone comes to visit and pays an inkling of attention to me. Please let my assistant (a.k.a. "Mother") know if you would like to schedule an appointment. And won't you bring salmon?

Sincerely,
Agatha Helen

A note from Aggie

Dear Mother and Father,
Since you have neglected to "tag" me, I have taken it upon myself to gift you with my own list...

Ten Random Things About Agatha Helen Pennington, composed by Agatha Helen Pennington, with illustrations by Agatha Helen Pennington

1. I am regrettably missing one of my front long teeth, and part of my tail was lopped off at some point in my life. I refuse to tell my "parents" how these injuries occurred.


2. I wag my tail like I am a canine, though I'm not nearly as stupid as one.


3. I have way too much napping to do, therefore toys, catnip, miscellaneous dangling objects, etc. are of no use to me. Stop wasting your money and buy me some salmon.


4. My favorite hobby is staring intently at my Fiestaware food bowl in hopes that it will be magically replenished with crunchy nuggets of goodness.


5. When Father starts banging on his drums like a prehistoric caveman, I look annoyingly at Mother and audibly share my displeasure in her poor choice of Christmas presents.


6. I am continually annoyed by the alien being in Mother's midsection, who chooses to punch and kick me while I am trying to enter my dormant phase.


7. My ongoing efforts to harm my guardians by circling closely around their feet have previously proven unsuccessful. I must devise a new and improved master plan.


8. Mother had chosen "Annabelle" for my name before she rescued me. However, Grammy Ludwig advised that Annabelle did not accurately portray my attitudinal tendencies. Mother then decided upon Agatha, and my middle name is Helen, after Mother's grandmother. Supposedly we have the same green eyes.


9. One of my favorite activities is obsessively covering anything in sight, such as food, my litter box, vomit, and foul-smelling gifts I leave my captors when I am displeased with their behavior.


10. Though I come across as having an attitude, really all I want in life is to cuddle with my parents. Where they go is where I want to go!

A note from Aggie

Dear Mother and Father,

Please go out of town again so Miss Heather can return. She spoonfeeds me, as every cat's servant should.

Sincerely,

"Agatha"

A note from Aggie

Dear Mother,

Please make that imbecile stop kicking me when I fall asleep on your ever-growing mid-section. The "present" I left you in the hallway this afternoon is only a sample of my capabilities...

Very Truly Yours,

A. Helen Pennington

A note from Aggie

Dear Mother,

What have you done with Father? He hasn't been here to pamper me all week.
Unacceptable.

Sincerely,
Agatha Helen

PS - on the plus side, there hasn't been any DRUMMING this week...

A letter from the big-sister-to-be

Dear Mother:

Please stop making me pose for ridiculous photographs. I refuse to give in to your silly notions that I have a brother or sister on the way. Don't think for a moment that I won't welcome it into this world by crapping all over the house as soon as you arrive from the hospital.

Sincerely, Agatha Helen

PS - Please serve my salmon warm next time. It tends to lose its flavor when served directly from the refrigerator.